Does It Ever Get Easier to Start Over?

Starting over used to terrify me. Every new beginning felt like a mini heartbreak. Leaving behind routines, friendships, and the comfort of knowing where I fit. Medicine, of course, demands that you start over again and again. New hospitals, new teams, new cities. Just when you’ve found your rhythm, it’s time to pack it all up and start fresh.

I have a little bit more practice than most at this. My father was in medical training when I was younger so I was no stranger to picking up and moving schools and states. I really do believe I am all the better for it. That being said, it definitely didn’t feel easy in those moments to have to start from scratch at such an impressionable age. 

I used to dread that first- day feeling; the awkward introductions, the lost hallways, the quiet lunches alone. The first few days of every rotation, I’d feel that familiar ache in my chest, wondering if I’d ever feel settled again.

But the truth is, starting over has been the most consistent part of this journey. And somewhere along the way, I stopped resisting it.

It didn’t get easier exactly, but it became less scary. Each time I began again, I carried proof that I could. Proof that I could walk into a hospital alone and find friends. Proof that I could leave a place I loved and still find meaning somewhere new. Proof that uncertainty didn’t mean I was lost. Uncertainty just meant I was growing.

Probably my scariest move to date was when I moved to NYC to attend Columbia University for my Master’s Degree. I had  always dreamt of living in the City. Those dreams didn’t make it easier when I watched my dad’s Uber pull away from my new apartment on his way to the airport. I genuinely felt like he was abandoning me (even if it was an abandonment of my own doing). It never got easier to leave my family after the visits but eventually I hit my stride. 

Those five years in New York turned out to be the most formative moments of my life. I met the most incredible people I have ever met, I gained perspective, and I learned how to not give up when that was the only thing I really wanted to do at times. I will forever encourage people to change their scenery if that is an option but that isn’t because I believe it will be an easy transition. I tell my mentees to do so for the fact that it won’t be. 

The hardest part about starting over isn’t the logistics. It’s the mental reset. You have to be brave enough to let go of who you were in order to find out who you might become next.

I’ve learned to see every new chapter as a chance to reinvent myself. To do things differently, to be a little kinder, a little braver, a little more myself. There’s a strange kind of peace in knowing that reinvention is always possible.

So, no — it doesn’t really get easier to start over. But you get stronger. And eventually, you stop fearing the blank page, because you’ve seen how good the story can turn out.

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