How to study and focus when I feel lonely or anxious in Med School?

I applaud you for even having the bravery to ask this question. I can’t even count the number of times that I felt my focus wane during medical school for the very same reasons. Let’s start by normalizing these feelings and then get into some actionable steps that you can take to feel your best while also doing a really hard thing. Because, cards on the table: medical school is a really hard time!

Medical school can be an unbelievably isolating place. 

I decided to attend medical school in New York so I could live out my lifelong dream of living in NYC in my twenties. Think Sex and the City meets Grey’s Anatomy. Everything was absolutely perfect! I had the opportunity to live in a new part of the country and make amazing new friends. Everything really was idyllic except for one significant detail that I did not factor into this fairytale: I lived across the country (literally 2,398.9 miles away) from my entire family. 

I was incredibly naive when I made this decision because it was only once I started medical school and the struggles of being an M1 that I actually recognized the mental toll of an absent in-person support system. The worst part is that I chose to go to school in New York. I made this decision on my own. Instead of going to the medical school I got accepted to that was 30 minutes from my parents’ house, I found myself stuck in Manhattan in a tiny apartment all of my own doing. 

This self-inflicted cross-continental isolation led me to inevitably feel exactly how you feel. I felt anxious all of the time, deeply lonely, and profoundly sad more often than I would like to admit. All of these big feelings made it really hard to focus and do well. As a lifelong high-achiever, it was also really hard for me to accept or admit that I was struggling.  Once I did allow myself to recognize it, I finally took the steps towards feeling better. 

‍ONE. Reach out to a neutral party who can provide you with tools to get out of your funk. 

I started by getting in touch with our school mental health counselor. His support was invaluable! He provided me with the tools to regain my confidence and eventually match into my dream specialty. Do not underestimate the lifelong tools you can gain from taking these steps early.

‍TWO. Perspective shift and focusing on skills to be effective. 

In addition to getting mental health support in that very concrete way, I started reflecting on my own coping skills and identifying the ones that improved my outlook the most. I started working out more regularly– even if that meant waking up earlier than I wanted to. This simple shift allowed me to refocus my energy when I was studying. I always felt better after exercising and the first thing I had to do was to give myself permission to do so. 

‍THREE. MANIFEST MANIFEST MANIFEST

I believe wholeheartedly that mindset matters. Having the skills to manifest will shift your mindset in a very concrete way. I started journaling in a Lucky Girl Journal and wrote out my goals as if they had already happened. I did this every morning before I even looked at my cell phone. It took no more than 2 minutes every day and the effects were profound. I essentially had tricked my mind into believing I was worth the hard work. 

‍FOUR. Own your emotions. Be honest with the people in your life.

Lastly, I started saying these things out loud. I reached out to my family, I told my new friends who were in NYC about how I was feeling, and I asked my boyfriend for help. I was overwhelmed by the response of my loved ones. They helped me in ways I will never be able to appropriately thank them for. Medicine is a lot and it really does take a village. Don’t be afraid to ask those around you for support.

Please remember that you are not alone.  I hope you can take advantage of some of these tips so that you can feel more like yourself. 

You were put in this position for a reason and I believe strongly that what is meant for you will not pass you by. 

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