Dating Outside Medicine in Med School

“I just started medical school and I am in a relationship that I really want to work. He doesn’t have anything to do with medicine and I am scared it wont work out because of how hard it already is.”

Here’s the truth: love doesn’t have to look like the movies. Sometimes it looks like someone is reheating dinner for you after a 14-hour shift. Sometimes it looks like someone is reminding you to drink water or quizzing you on endocrine conditions they can't pronounce. Being in a relationship during medical school -- especially with someone outside of medicine-- requires compromise, compassion, and a lot of faith that the chaos won’t last forever.

I consider myself criminally lucky. I am so deeply loved in my relationship, and I feel it all the time. That doesn’t mean it was always easy--but it was always worth it. That’s what made it work.

A little on my love story (because I’m biased, and I think it’s the best one I’ve ever heard): I met Jake when I was 11. We were locker buddies at my new middle school. He was very tall (for a 12-year-old), and my mom told me that because I was also going to be tall, I had to like someone my own size. Thank God she said that. It quite literally set my entire life in motion.

Our sixth-grade “relationship” lasted maybe two months, but it turned into a lifelong friendship. We grew up down the street from each other and stayed close through heartbreaks (including the one he caused when he dumped me in high school), through college, and through other relationships. I always cherished our friendship, which made it even scarier when we started dating again at the end of college.

But jumping in feet first was the best thing I’ve ever done.

He supported me through every part of this journey. From applying to med school, to moving to New York City for my master’s, to grinding through board exams, and now during my intern year. He cooks for me when I’m too exhausted to function, and he reminds me to care for myself when I forget how to.

We’re now moving into our next chapter together in Miami at the end of this academic year, and I often think about how none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t told a 12-year-old Jake that “my mom said we should date.” I can’t imagine doing this without him.

So how do you make a relationship like this work?

You communicate. You over-communicate. I always told him when I needed to study, when I had big exams, and when I was overwhelmed. And he always showed up for me exactly how I needed at that moment. That kind of mutual effort is the difference between surviving and thriving as a couple in medicine.

Of course, it took trial and error. There were tears (mine), learning curves, and a lot of grace on both sides. But when it’s right, it works. When someone adds to your peace and not your pressure, that’s how you know. And if it ever starts to feel like they’re making things harder? That’s when it’s time to reevaluate.

I’m nothing if not a hopeless romantic. I believe that love, when it’s real and steady, can weather anything (even med school). I hope your love feels like mine: beautiful, bright, and deeply safe. Be kind to yourself, to your partner, and to your relationship.

It will all work out.